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How To Leave A Controlling Boyfriend
by Ask Rob! The Advice General
www.advicegeneral.com
* Rob is not a professional counselor,
just someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and
should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored.
He'll give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll
have someone that'll listen to your troubles without being too
judgmental. And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
Dear Rob,
My situation is probably a bit different than what you have
heard.
I know for a fact that I am in a relationship with a controlling
(verbally) boyfriend. I left him -- for what I thought was for
good -- but then realized that I was pregnant with his baby and
for some reason that I will never understand, I freaked out and
went back out with him because I didn't know what else to do.
This was 3 months ago.
Now, I realize that wasn't the smartest choice. The most recent
time I tried to break it off, he cried and begged and pleaded
for my forgiveness, saying the last thing he wants is our
relationship to be like his mom and birth dad's (his mom
divorced his birth dad when he was 2 months old because his
birth dad was physically abusive).
My question now for women is:
1) What is the best/safest way to get out of a controlling
relationship, and
2) How the heck do I get out now that I'm pregnant?!
I know I need to! I desperately need your help because I have no
idea how to break it off for good and safely. (He has a history
of severe anger..)
Mary-Ann
Hi Mary-Ann,
The best and safest way is to end it quickly and move out with a
pre-planned plan when he is not there.
You should have an arranged safe place to go to… your parents, a
trusted friend, a shelter for women.
If this is not possible make your move suddenly, take what you
can, come back for anything else in a couple of weeks. Send a
friend, family member… just not yourself alone.
You may need a restraint order, or an order of protection. The
local court house will help you with this, or the police, there
are public services that you need to use when needed.
Change the passwords and email accounts on everything.
Change or cancel cell phone plans.
Get your postal mail forwarded to a rented postal box, not your
new address.
Cancel any joint accounts and bills that are in both your names:
credit cards, electricity, phone bills, cable bills. Whatever.
If the rental lease is in your name, see if you can get your
name off it… understand the cost to break the lease but don’t
let that stop you. Your own safety is worth more than any dollar
amount. Stop using anything that is in his name only.
You’ll need financial support for your child but that is best
handled by lawyers that are familiar with the family court
system.
Keep a journal of everything that has happened, a daily diary.
Leave nothing out. Abusive events… times when your safety was
questionable… witnesses, police reports. Write everything down,
every day, all the time. Write it on paper, write it online,
tape record yourself, whatever it takes to keep a consistent
record of your life, from this moment forward, your recent past…
and right now as you read my email.
Your greatest strength on leaving him is in your support system:
family, friends and local support facilities. Know them, and use
them when needed.
You can do this, you’ve made the first step, you’ve reached out
to me.
Make the next step, plan your safety route. And take it.
I wish you well,
Rob.
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