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Advice For The Other Woman
by Ask Rob! The Advice General
www.advicegeneral.com
* Rob is not a professional counselor,
just someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and
should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored.
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Dear Rob,
Okay, my boyfriend was married, YES, he had been faithful for 18
years. We "swept" each other off our feet. In one month we were
living together, in one more, he had doubts and eventually
decided he wanted his wife back. She didn't want him. He moved
out. We never stopped dating.
It is 13 months
later. His divorce is final except for the 90 day waiting
period.
We get along
great. He is a wonderful man. He loves me. He just can't seem to
heal from the marriage breakup. He did go to a half dozen
counseling sessions. He will not make plans with me further out
than a month. He will not buy me little gifts, or say really
special things to me.
He says he needs
time.
I can't believe
how painful this is. I have been waiting 10 months now, and I
want to wait longer because I love him so much. Am I crazy?
It is so
illogical to me that he can't move on and be with someone who is
great for him.
We have tried
multiple times to take breaks but he always calls me and I give
in after 5-7 days.
Thank you,
Sally
Hi Sally,
While it's not illogical for him to have a hard time moving on,
I think that because of his recent actions, ending his marriage
(whether by choice or because the wife didn't want a cheating
husband), filing and following through on the legal aspects of
divorce and ultimately maintaining contact with you he shouldn't
be so confused as to where he heart lies.
Sadly, I feel
that he is rediscovering himself right now, through this
"finalization period" and he doesn't feel that you're the person
to share his new life. He's 'rebounding' from the excitement of
the affair to the reality of being suddenly single and giving up
all he had with his wife.
The excitement of
the affair has turned into a crime with consequences. And he'd
jump at the chance to reconcile with his wife.
You said that
you're tried to take "breaks" but then he calls you and you
agree to see him, start dating, sleeping together, again. His
uncertainty of his own future is driving your future into the
ground!
He is using you
while he goes through this "life transition", a warm body to
share his bed with when he feels the need.
It's time to go
beyond simple little breaks, it's time to drop him like a hot
potato before you get even more burned.
If you're so
great for him, he'd see it. He doesn't.
He gives you no
tokens of love and appreciation. He doesn't whisper sweet
nothings in your ear.
Exactly what are you waiting for?
You've paid the price and he is who you got. And based on his
actions, you're not enough to hold his attention any longer.
Dump him. Let him grow up. Maybe in a few months you can get
together again. But stop being his "warm body" while he decides
where he wants to be. I really feel he doesn't want to be with
you.
And you could do
so much better.
Best wishes,
Rob.
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