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Teen Ready For Love And Marriage
by Ask Rob! The Advice General
www.advicegeneral.com
* Rob is not a professional counselor,
just someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and
should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored.
He'll give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll
have someone that'll listen to your troubles without being too
judgmental. And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
Dear Rob,
I'm a 15 year old boy, and I'm dating a girl three years my
senior.
I know this has
been said so many times before by millions of others, but I feel
like I really love her with my whole heart, we talk about
anything and everything, and we are not afraid to show our
feelings to each other.
Now the problem:
I met her at a strip club, not that I have any problem with
that, she's a nice respectable girl, don't get me wrong, it's
just that I really want to pursue a relationship with her, and I
don't know how the knowledge of this girl's (soon to be)
previous job will bode with the feelings of my family.
She is quitting
the job because she also wants to pursue a relationship with me,
and she wants to return to school. I know there are an abundance
of teenagers who think they are ready for love and marriage and
so on, but I know most if not all fail to see how this may
affect their lives.
I want to be the
one who cares for her, protects her, and grows old with her, I'm
new at asking advice, since my life has been pretty textbook
until I met this girl, and everything is so confusing. I was
just hoping you could help me clear my thoughts with some
healthy advice.
Hope to hear from you,
Philip
Hi Philip,
You asked so I'm going to answer:
15 and 18 is too young to plan a life together. You both aren't
mature enough. You want to know how I can tell this about you?
Because you are making commitments that you can't follow through
on;
because you are deciding the rest of your life without talking
to your parents about these changes you plan and these feelings
you have;
because, at 15, you can't even take care of yourself, no job, no
education, no car, no place to live on your own, so how are you
going to take care of someone else?
Now, I know what you're going to say to me "Rob, I've thought it
through and this is what I want to do".
Well, if that were true, you'd have a plan to finish school, and
let your ex-stripper girlfriend finish school too, before making
these life-changing decisions.
As well, you would be talking to your parents about these
decisions so that they can help you. But, usually is the case,
teens hide these decisions from their parents because deep down
they know that their parents will react negatively.
You have to change your plans from "the rest of your life" to
"the rest of the year" type goals.
If you and your girlfriend can be honest with your parents about
your plans you have a chance to succeed at these decisions. If
you have to do all this behind their backs, you will continue to
make mistakes and poor choices that will affect the rest of your
life.
Honestly.
As teens mature and start to understand more about the life that
is before them, as you get older and experiment with
interactions with the opposite sex, it's easy to start looking
at life through a narrow lens.
Your focus changes from the latest video game and what to eat
for a snack to how you can involve the person you love more and
more into your life without thinking through the consequences.
But it is this narrow view that stops you from seeing life as it
really is.
These "love blinders" don't allow you to see a life with bills,
payments, needing new clothes, groceries, a job that pays well
enough to support yourself and the family you create.
As teens move from the "World is all centered around me" to the
"World is about all I want to do", the possibilities are
overwhelming. The responsibilities of maturity are not yet
understood or presented in a way to help a teen to make choices
that benefits the rest of their lives. It's only their
immediate, and somewhat selfish needs (even involving others)
that get any attention or thought.
Love, moving in together, having sex, being ready to make adult
choices are powerful thoughts that cast these narrow lenses that
stop you from seeing the whole world around you and your true
place in it.
The world isn't ready for you to make these choices as long as
you try to make them on your own at this age.
I'm not saying don't plan your future.
But I am saying that you need to stop thinking so selfishly.
Stop thinking about your own desires, even if your girlfriend
shares them with you.
Plan your future, just make sure that it involves the choices
that your parents have also made for you so far: finish school,
get a good job.
Then move out on your own, date, get married and have children
on your own.
One step at a time; One adult responsibility at a time.
To sum up:
Get honest with yourself. Talk to your parents. Plan your life
but finish school before making any life-changing commitments to
anyone other than yourself.
Best wishes,
Rob.
PS.
Guys, deal with your inner wussy by reading the "Double
Your Dating" ebook.
Girls, learn how to deal with this type of guy better and
actually be able to get the right man in your life by reading "Catch
Him & Keep Him".
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