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Dating An Older Guy And A Cheater
by Ask Rob! The Advice General
www.advicegeneral.com
* Rob is not a professional counselor,
just someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and
should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored.
He'll give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll
have someone that'll listen to your troubles without being too
judgmental. And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
Dear Rob,
My name's Diana.
Me and my first
love got back together after being apart for 4 years. He cheated
on me. We got back together about 2 months ago.
He's cheated on
me again with his ex-girlfriend. He told me so many lies about
him not wanting her, her not meaning anything, and all the other
bullsh*t. He still tries to get back with me, saying that he
loves me and that it won't happen again.
He said that when
him and her were having sex he stopped it, and told her that it
was all about me. I know that has to be bullsh*t for real. What
guy would stop having sex?
He told me that
he told her that he loved me, blah blah blah. But, he cheated on
me. He lied to me more than 15 times, telling me that nothing
was going on and that he would never do me like he did in the
past.
He basically did
the same thing. When we first started talking I was only 14
years old. He said that he cheated because I was young and we
couldn't spend time together, and he could have went to jail.
But, why would he
talk to me?? He is basically a piece of crap and I want him out
of my system terribly. Yet, even though he did that to me, I'm
still in love with the trick. I don't understand why. Please
give me some advice (Maybe God can speak through you!).
Thanks,
Diana
Hi Diana,
I hate to be the one to break the news but you've been used and
used badly.
And you keep coming back for more.
Let's look at what you told me:
- You were 14 when you started dating this guy. Obviously he's
older, maybe by more than a couple of years. He may even been a
statutory rapist for all I know.
- Whenever he had the chance, when you weren't available for
what he wanted, he found a girl that he could get what he wanted
from. He not only cheated on you but he cheated on these other
girls too.
- He never took your relationship seriously but he does know how
to manipulate you into getting what he wants.
- He knows how to lie to you, to apologize to you and to get you
in a frenzy enough that you want him back no matter what he's
done.
Now let's look at what I read between the lines:
- You're not old enough and you're not responsible enough to
make any right choices that affect the rest of your life.
- You think that you're following your heart but you're only
following the emotions of the moment that blind you to the
reality of what's really happening.
- You're willing to give yourself justification by forgiving him
because you think it's right but you don't actually see how he
is manipulating you.
- You know that this is a bad relationship and you also know
that your parents wouldn't like it so you hide this from them,
likely lying about what's going on in your life.
- I'll even bet that the majority of your friends don't like
this guy and you've probably even lost friends by putting this
guy first.
What you need to know about guys:
Guys think logically. 2 + 2 equals 4. Red and yellow mix up to
make green. Lies are allowed until caught and then you can
probably talk yourself out of trouble by throwing in the words
"love, forgive, it won't happen again, it's not a big deal, she
didn't mean anything" and such.
Guy's can sense when they can manipulate girls. And they'll do
it as often as they can get away with it. They know that a 'girl
in love' will forgive time and time again because the girl is
such an emotional cripple around him that he can say almost
anything, promise anything and get forgiveness and another
opportunity.
What you need to do:
Understand that you're not going to think logically about this.
Your emotions will dictate your responses every time the guy
comes around and that's not a good thing. You've got to step
back a minute and look at this logically. Put your emotions in
check. Realize that you're being used, being played and being
kept at a disadvantage in this relationship.
You need to cut yourself off from this guy. No more contact.
Hang out with friends your own age and stop being such a doormat
for this guy.
Grow up, stay single and learn about yourself before you share
yourself with another, any, guy. Give yourself at least the next
12 months off from dating or any serious involvements.
You wanted advice? You've got it.
And for goodness sakes talk to your parents about your life.
Letting crap like this happen to you then needing advice from a
stranger online can't have been your only option here. I'm glad
to be able to offer you advice but you've got to talk this out
with someone closer to you (just not him!).
Best wishes,
Rob.
PS.
Guys, deal with your inner wussy by reading the "Double
Your Dating" ebook.
Girls, learn how to deal with this type of guy better and
actually be able to get the right man in your life by reading "Catch
Him & Keep Him".
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