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Has She Lost Interest?
by Ask Rob! The Advice General
www.advicegeneral.com
* Rob is not a professional counselor,
just someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and
should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored.
He'll give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll
have someone that'll listen to your troubles without being too
judgmental. And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
Dear Rob,
I've been enjoying your advice and think you have some great
opinions
to offer so here goes.
A girl started a 7-week internship at my company recently and we
hit it off right away. After a couple days of work together, I
gave her my phone #, which she thankfully accepted. She didn't
give me hers in return claiming she doesn't "give her number out
to very many people" to which I replied with a shrug and a laugh
and said "we'll see."
That same week, I invited her to play some tennis after work;
she said yes and we ran around for an hour chasing tennis balls,
having a great time, and flirting the whole time.
The next week the subject of favorite foods came up. I found out
hers is Thai, as is mine, and so I asked her if she wanted to go
eat some Thai food. She responded "I'm trying to save money
right now," (she is paying for college credits to work somewhere
for free-I still don't understand how they get away with
that-and gearing up for a European vacation) and so of course I
offered to buy. She said she didn't want to do that because
she'd feel like "she was taking advantage of me," and so instead
of pushing it I just said OK. That same night, she text messaged
me (giving me her phone #) wishing me a great weekend because I
was leaving for the weekend the next day, and also saying she
thought we should go out for Thai after all.
We went out the next week, had an amazing dinner, found out we
have the same or similar values, passions, and center, so to
speak, in our lives and it was great. She made it a point,
though, to tell me that "this isn't like you taking me out,
you're not paying for me, I'm here because I want to be here." I
guess you could say she threw me a major curve ball.
Here's where it gets interesting. The next week, she invited me
to ride with her to the town her college is in. She had to go up
for an evening to help plan some events for her upcoming
graduation. It's about an hour away from where we work. I have
friends up there and she knew this, and so her thought was we
could ride up together and while she did her school thing, I
could hang out with friends and then we could ride back home
together. We had a great ride up, had time for pizza in the
park, and then after she was done, she came over and met some of
my friends before we left. It was a good night.
The next night, we went to a football game together, got
take-out, went back to my house, watched a movie, and flirted
the whole time. It was a good night. Other than halfway laying
on each other and that sort of thing, it never got physical.
Also, the subject of our relationship never came up and I never
made a point to bring it up. I thought it was becoming pretty
obvious we both liked each other. And, since we work together,
I've been hesitant to move too fast. I didn't see her the rest
of the weekend because I was at a bachelor party (no strippers
or anything like that, just guns, meat, beer, and
competition-that sort of bachelor party).
This last week was her 6th week and it was an awkward one. I
felt like she was annoyed with me all of the sudden. Where
before she would pass by and smile, it was like she was
ignoring/avoiding me, going out of her way to not walk past me.
We had a dinner and movie at my place scheduled for Wednesday.
On the day of, she insisted on inviting another girl we work
with to come over too. The girl is here from overseas and
doesn't know anyone and so I'm all about having her over, but
all I got from it was "I don't want to be alone with you."
I asked her if we could do coffee and talk this morning (we both
have the day off from our job together but she works another job
in the afternoon). I figure it's time to be completely honest
with her and see where she's at. She said she was still in bed
and wasn't up to it before work but "if you have something you
want to talk about, we'll find a time." What should I do? Should
I wait and talk after this next week, her last week at my
company, is over? Why the change in attitude, especially after
initiating the car trip and the dinner? Did I miss my window? I
just don't get it. Let me know what you think man, I'd
appreciate your advice. Wow, this is long, sorry about that Bro.
Sincerely,
Confused
P.S. She's 21 and I'm 24. We both do basically the same thing.
Hi Confused,
The easy answer is that, yes, you missed your window.
She was open to your advances and you didn't advance far enough.
From what you told me she was playing it slowly, making sure you
weren't a player and her attitude became more serious with you
when she took the ride with you to her college, you both did
your own things, and shared the ride home again.
After that you should have turned on the heat and gotten serious
with her. Now, she may be past what she felt for you, figuring
in her head that she imagined everything and you're not that
serious after all.
How to become serious after her starting to lose interest?
That's a tough question.
The answer is harder.
In your current situation I don't think that you want to let her
get away. Make your move on her last day with your company.
Invite her to dinner, make it special. You've both shared time
together, now it's time to share some romance.
Simply, this is the way to accomplish setting the scene:
Order a dozen roses to the restaurant where you make the
reservations and call the restaurant to expect the delivery and
have the flowers on the table before you are seated. She'll see
the roses and know what you're feelings are, unmistakably.
This will be the "make or break" moment, but I'm sure you'll
pull through, no matter her response.
Best wishes,
Rob
PS.
Guys, deal with your inner wussy by reading the "Double
Your Dating" ebook.
Girls, learn how to deal with this type of guy better and
actually be able to get the right man in your life by reading "Catch
Him & Keep Him".
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