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She Won't Commit To An Exclusive Relationship
by Ask Rob! The Advice General
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Dear Rob,
I've been dating this girl for the past 2 months. We have been
intimate and she calls me everyday, I repeat, she's the one that
calls me everyday.
Even so, when we discuss the issue of exclusivity and taking our
profiles off of match.com, she says she is not sure and wants to
keep our options open to see other people.
I'm afraid that I'm turning into the weak man that all the
relationship books talk about not to be. I'm trying very hard to
be the alpha male with a detached attitude, but I must confess I
think I'm falling for this girl and I'm becoming more confused
as to why she is calling me everyday and wanting to see me and
being intimate with me when she is not ready to be exclusive
with me.
Her previous relationship lasted only 3 months and she was
willing to be exclusive with her ex immediately from beginning
but she says its different now and she is not ready to make a
commitment, not yet.
Anyway and tells me to be patient with her. I realize I don't
have any options but to accept this fact but could you help me
understand what things might be running through her mind in
coming to this present state and feeling from her perspective?
Also what I can do to truly be the alpha male I really am.
Thank you very much,
Confused
Hi Confused,
She's dangling the carrot of a relationship in front of you, but
on her terms only.
Just stop answering the phone.
After the holidays (since I assume you have time together
planned already), take a break from answering the phone until
you get a real commitment from her. Answer the phone every other
day. Return her messages the next day.
Let her miss you a bit and see how her attitude changes. This
will help you find out of she's just "keeping time" with you
until someone better comes along or if she's ready to make an
exclusive commitment to you. But I have a feeling that since she
still has her hook in the pond (she won't take her profile off
of match.com) she's not ready to "settle" for you.
Being an "alpha male" means not only being the leader of the
pack but also enforcing your rules, not living by hers.
Any relationship
you have should be on your terms, not hers. And if you are ready
for exclusivity (which means you don't want to have to compete
for her attention with other guys) and she isn't, then it really
is time to move on. Don't let her make all the rules, not until
you've moved into the exclusive dating area anyways.
Best Wishes,
Rob.
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