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How Can I Trust Her When We Are Apart?
by Ask Rob! The Advice General
www.advicegeneral.com
* Rob is not a professional counselor,
just someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and
should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored.
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Dear Rob,
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years, since our
freshman year in college and we are both 20.
She is my first love and I am the first person she has ever been
with. We spend all year together and recently we both got into
the same law school.
I was planning on going to Europe this year and I encouraged her
to do the same with her friends, I thought it would be a nice
experience for the both of us before we started another
stressful semester next September.
The only problem is that now I am constantly worried by the fact
that she is going on an organized trip with a lot of other young
people who will be partying and often a little drunk.
I also find her friends to be a bad influence. There is no
history of cheating in our relationship, but we are both so
young and she is so inexperienced I am worrying that she might
be tempted to cheat.
We've talked about it and she assured me she wouldn't. Do I need
to face reality? At this age is it time for a little break
during our trip? Or should I trust her until she proves
otherwise? Does our age change the rules of the game since we
are both just starting to experience life. I would really like
to stop worrying.
Thanks,
William
Hi William,
All the time that you spend together is both a gift and a curse.
You rely on her being with you, ready to "be your girl" from now
to eternity but you don't see her as being mature enough to not
cheat on you.
The reality that you need to face is that your girlfriend is a
person in her own right.
If you can't trust her, you need to end the relationship.
It's quite that simple.
Your unresolved jealousy, your general distrust of your
commitment to her is being projected onto her as her problem
when it's really your problem.
You've had your talk with her. She has told you that she can be
trusted. She's said and done all she can do. It's time for you
to trust yourself that you have a great, beautiful, trustworthy
person in your life that wants to share experiences with you
without you being jealous of her own life and the control she
has over her own actions.
I get many advice emails from guys that are jealous about how
their girlfriends interact with other male friends. This
jealousy and mistrust can almost always be traced back to the
guy's own insecurities about his relationship with the woman he
supposedly "loves".
I placed love in quotes because love requires:
Fidelity
Trust
Commitment
If you can't offer fully and completely these three things to
your girlfriend, you need to resolve your own feelings, your own
insecurities. Your time apart can be a wonderful growing
experience that will lead to a fuller life for the both of you.
If you let it.
Control yourself. Get counselling if you can't resolve these
feelings on your own.
Your future relationship depends on it. And not with just your
current girlfriend but any and all friends you have in the
future too. The world can be a jealous and covetous place, but
don't let it be your place.
Best Wishes,
Rob.
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