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Is This A Compatible Date?
by Ask Rob! The Advice General
www.advicegeneral.com
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Dear
Rob,
I read some of your articles and I thought I could get some
advice from you.
I me a girl
through eharmony, she seemed to be a decent and smart girl also
very hot. We went out on date on Saturday, we were having a good
time (or at least so I think). While leaving I asked her if we
could go out again and she said sure.
I called her on
Monday night, since she told me she was busy Sunday, to thank
her for the good evening we had. I wanted to see her again so I
called her on Wednesday and left her a message. She didn't call
me back. I called her again on Saturday night and left a message
on her voicemail but I didn't get a call back. I called again on
Sunday night and got her on the phone. She said she was a bit
sick, etc., and was going to watch a movie at home. She said she
will call me the next day, on Monday . But its been two weeks
and no call from her.
I haven't called
her back since. Could you explain what is going on with her and
what should be my next step, attitude and strategy, cause I
think she is worth the wait.
Thanks,
R.
Hi R.,
I'd have to think that she's blowing you off. No matter what she
told you the date didn't go that well.
You had a first
date on a Saturday night (mistake number one) and you didn't
wait to call her as you should have. Instead you called her four
times in the week after your date (multiple mistakes here!).
Each call probably sounding more and more desperate, more needy.
No matter how confident you may have seemed on your first date,
all the calls showed how out of control you are when playing in
the dating game.
You may feel that
she's worth the wait, but do you know what that means? Worth the
wait means waiting for her to move closer to you, as in a long
distance relationship. Or waiting for her to get over some
personal issues while staying in touch with her. Saying she's
worth the wait while you're sitting by your phone waiting for
her call isn't waiting, it's stupidity.
If you don't
believe me, then in a week from now call her up and ask her out
for a simple coffee date. If she agrees to meet you, then start
over. If she blows you off again, forget her. She's not as
compatible as you were led to believe.
You've got your
eharmony membership, use it again. She just wasn't your
compatible date, that's for sure.
Next time don't
invest so much into your first date.
The rule for
first time meetings from an online dating service is a short
date on a weekday afternoon or early evening. Or maybe Saturday
afternoon but never a weekend evening. Take an hour to be
together, to talk. No alcohol, no movies, no involved dinners.
End this first meeting after an hour and tell her you'll call
later to see if she arrived home OK. Keep this conversation
short. Now is not the time to start long phone conversations.
Call her the next Tuesday or Wednesday asking her out for Friday
or Saturday night. Then have a nice dinner and plan something
the two of you can do together. Again, no movies. Your first
couple of dates should be interactive. Museums, art galleries,
bowling, even shopping.
Stick to the
rules and you'll be more confidant, your self-assurance will
shine and you'll stop wasting time waiting for the ladies to
call.
Best wishes,
Rob.
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