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Guy's Ignore Game Times Three
by Ask Rob! The Advice General
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Dear
Rob,
There are three men of interest.
Guy #1, is a workmate who I sporadically interact with due to
work. He used to draw attention to himself by talking loudly or
being animated. We would talk mainly about work related stuff
and sometimes joke around. He now, ignores me to such an
extreme. He pretends he doesn't see me though our paths cross.
Guy #2, is a friend who has admitted to others that he finds me
attractive. He has dated two of my friends in the past who he
has also told that he had liked me. He and I are friends that
hang out on occasion and just have a good time. It has never
progressed to anything more...for two reasons, I don't feel an
attraction for him and he's dated two of my friends. He, also,
has gone out of his way to ignore me to the point of being rude.
He has never actually asked me out; thus, I never had to turn
him down. When he's in a bad mood he'll ignore me even after I
greet him and we make eye contact.
Guy#3, He has hinted at having an attraction for me and has
hinted at going to dinner; however, never quite asking. He was
doing an athletic event and asked if I could come along to help
out. I, of course, agreed. After the event, he kissed me and
asked if I wanted to go to dinner. After dinner we parted with
another kiss. We met up in the evening again for part two of the
event, another kiss. The next couple of days were very nice with
lots of compliments and attention. Then one day, it stopped.
Now, he is acting very odd, as though I make him uncomfortable.
He ignores me even when it is obvious he sees me but we train
together twice a week and on these days he is flirts with me and
puts his hands around my waist.
Sorry for it being so long....what I want to know is what is
with the ignoring? Is it something I am doing?
Martha
Hi Martha,
I'm going to start my reply by assuming a couple of things:
I think you're a great looking girl, probably a 9 or a 10 in the
looks department.
I bet you don't
have many successful dates because you don't put up with
insincerity, immaturity and general childishness in guys.
You are turned
off by the wussy-type guy that tries too hard to please you,
tries too hard to be funny.... the idiotic things that some guys
to to get a girl's interest.
I also bet that
you wait for the guy to make the first move on you, asking for
dates, suggesting things to do, etc., and half the time you're
too busy with other things to accept the date ideas or take them
to heart. You unintentionally shoot the guy own.
If you have the power to intimidate guys, through your good
looks or bright attitude, they will pull shy after feeling shot
down and start playing the ignore game after just the briefest
of encounters.
These wimpy guys
are centered on ownership. They want to control and own you and
when you can show them that you are your own person they run
scared because they don't know how to deal with a successful,
good looking, assertive woman.
They are children
dating in an MTV world, not able to work through their feelings
or interactions in real life when what they do doesn't resemble
a stupid TV show. These guys haven't learned the slightest clues
about dating and being a man around a woman.
Now then:
Guy #1
This is a guy that practices comedy to attract women and closes
up shop when he doesn't get the responses he wants. He's a fool.
He wants to control but will not break out of the mold of
self-importance to accept the fact that other people have
thoughts and feelings too, that others sometimes don't think of
him being so important. This is why he now ignores you.
The next time he walks by you say to him "You were funnier when
you could talk to me". And let him fumble his response.
Likely he'll think of you a bitch, but at least then he's making
a stand for his feelings of you. And you'll get some closure
from this jerk.
Guy #2
He has dated your friends only to get closer to you and try to
date you. Now he knows that you're in a league far above him and
he's playing the hurt puppy knowing that he'll never have you.
I'd point-blank ask him if he knows of any single guys that
might want to date you. His response will confirm what I've told
you.
Guy #3
He's too scared to fail with you, so he's decided not to get his
feelings hurt by your possible rejection. Likely you've confided
in him about the other losers you've dated and he saw himself in
what you said.
He may be a wuss that doesn't know how to communicate with women
other than trying to buy their friendship and acceptance. This
type of guy is deep into the "ownership of commitment" and I'd
steer clear of him no matter what. Until he realizes that men
and women like the same things, have the same needs and goals in
life, he'll always think that he comes first to the point of
trying to control everyone else's actions in his circle of
friends.
I'll bet that any relationship he's had in the past ended badly
because of his insecure needs and controlling attitudes.
You can verify this by doing a little research and talking to
any of his exgirlfriends.
The next time that he flirts with you and puts his hands on your
waist, put your hands on his. Pull his hands away and tell him
that touching is not permitted.
One of two things will happen next:
He won't blush or apologize, he'll get upset is my bet. If he
does that he wants to own you and he'll start by making you
apologize for his familiarity in touching you.
If he does blush and apologize, he's just a scared little boy
that doesn't know how to get past the first date and if you've
managed to talk to any exgirlfriends I bet that you'll find out
that he moved too fast, held on too tightly and broke up very
badly. He maybe a "clinger" that just wants romance that he can
manipulate on his terms only.
Best wishes,
Rob
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