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Getting
Her Interest And Failing To Close
by Ask Rob! The Advice General
www.advicegeneral.com
* Rob is not a professional counselor,
just someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and
should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored.
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Hi
Rob,
Some months ago I got dumped by my girlfriend (we were closed to
getting married after five years of living together) for a
skinny ugly but rich and charming man twice my age. I was
devastated for the months that followed, but when I started
visiting your home page and read lots of your advice, I started
to feel much better about my predicament. In fact my whole way
of thinking (which was rather narrow and stereotypical I hate to
admit) changed due to your advice.
I have now fully gained back my confidence and self esteem to
the point where I can almost date any women I like. Almost being
the key word here…….. I have fallen in love, and deeply I must
say, to a cute girl from my job at a big time luxury hotel.
I have showed her
how much I like her by courting her with quite some ways e.g.
joke/innuendo/compliment/tease combos, body language, etc. After
a few days of the above mentioned behavior which she really
seemed to enjoy (she laughed, giggled, and smiled the whole time
and generally responded in a very positive way) I gave her my
phone number and told her to let me know if she’d like to come
to work by car with me, since she lives close to me. Her
response was a pause followed by a sly smile and tons of thank
you for thinking like that.
I didn’t ask for
her phone number since I didn’t want to put any pressure on her,
but made a really strong pass on her, and judging from her
smiles and responses I was almost sure that a touchdown was
imminent. To my surprise she never phoned me, and I have the
feeling that she is avoiding me. Whenever she is around me she
looks very nervous and anxious about something, ignores me, and
doesn’t respond to my courting anymore. All she does is greeting
me politely and off she goes. WHAT HAPPENED?
I am 28, ok
looking, well educated and have experience with women, but my
being in love is clouding my ability to feel what happened!
Did I intimidate
her? Did she just play with me? Doesn’t she like me the way I
do? I don’t know, Rob, help out please!
Mr. P
P.S. I forgot to mention that I am her supervisor, and her uncle
is my boss who by the way really likes me. She’s 25 and pretty
so she’s had experience with men.
Hi Mr. P,
Let me tell you a story.
There was this guy that wanted to surf.
He bought books and did a lot of research about surfing. He
learned all he could about the sport. Types of boards, locations
that are good for surfing. Styles of clothes to wear. Everything
surf-related that he could find he read or watched or did.
When he was ready he went and bought the best surf board he
could afford.
He headed to the beach, waxed up his board, then went into the
ocean and waited for the big wave to take him away.
Mr. P, you are that guy, sitting in the ocean, waiting for the
big wave to come and take you away.
You've done everything. Except you didn't go and catch that
wave. You're sitting there, legs dangling in the ocean, waiting
for the wave to come and get you.
Mr. P, you've flirted, you've complimented, you've shown your
interest. Then, instead of closing the deal and catching the
wave, you gave her your number and now you sit, waiting for her
to call you.
Big mistake.
She knows that there are a lot of surfers waiting to catch her
wave. She doesn't need to go and get the surfer. She doesn't
need to call you, you need to call her.
It's really stupid to lay all that groundwork then back off by
giving her your number and waiting for her to call. You should
have gotten her number, not wussied out and given her your
number and waited. You should have gotten her number and asked
her for a date.
She looks nervous around you because she shouldn't have to make
the next step. She doesn't call you for a date, you call her.
That's what she knows. It likely seems to her that all your
courting, as you call it, was simply a put-on because you failed
to close. And now, every moment you see her, that feeling of
lost interest is being reinforced because, continually, you are
failing to close.
She likes you, or at least she did, but now she's losing
interest because you backed off at the critical moment of
getting her number.
The next time you see her, you get her number and say that
you'll call her later that same night to make a date with her.
And leave it at that until you call her.
Your call to her will be short, just a couple of minutes long,
to tell her when you'll pick her up. The date should be no more
than two days later. Plan something fun to do, not a dinner or
anything like that. Build the momentum of dating by starting
with fun things you can do together. Maybe your third date can
be a dinner. No pressure, right?
The other thing I'd be concerned about is that you're in a
family business, dating your boss's niece. Be sure you aren't
going against any company policies by dating another employee,
especially one that you supervise. You may want to clarify
dating her with her uncle because of this, I don't know the
situation.
Stop waiting for the wave to come and get you, make it happen.
Swim out to that wave and make things happen!
Best wishes,
Rob.
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