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Playing
The Ignore Game
by Ask Rob! The Advice General
www.advicegeneral.com
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just someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and
should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored.
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Dear
Rob,
I'm sorry for emailing you, but I asked you for advice before
and I thought I would try again.
Well I'm not sure if you remember...but my case was the one
where this boy who is 23 and I'm 22--well to cut a long story
short... he was the guy who would always ignore me... since I
ignored him...
Well to continue on from what happened from the last time I
emailed you... Well I tried to go up to him and to show him that
I liked him and I think he was a bit bitter or something since
he just acted like I did not exist even if I went right up to
him. Well I tried for about a month and on my last day he
brushed past me and acted like I never existed... I got tired
and thought I'm tired of this. We had two months break from
university. And I decided to move on... stupidly I found out his
name and what he likes and found out we did out first degree at
the same university...sometimes I wish I never knew this
either...
Anyhow, these past two months I tried my best to forget about
him and I had a hard time from other problems I was having.
Anyway, everyone kept telling me...oh...he ain't interested...
since guys don't ignore girls. And that made me more determined
to "move on" (wring use of words--since nothing happened to move
on from) but anyhow, when I went back to university I saw him at
the bottom of the stairs. I acted like I never saw him... which
was easy to do... and he was talking to this girl and
laughing... and when she was going pass me... he came and walked
towards me. He opened his mouth I think to say something. I was
just so angry for some reason and had so much on my mind from
exams etc., that I just pretended like I never noticed and
walked off.
Well for weeks he disappeared--usually I would always see him in
the library and nothing. He just seemed to have disappeared.
I saw him accidentally one evening coming out of his department.
I for some reason couldn't help but stare and he stared as well
and walked off. Well 3 weeks passed again nothing. BUT NOW we
are coming towards the end as in this is my last week and his.
And for a week I saw him about quite a few times and he acted so
normal. I would be chatting and laughing with my guy friends and
he would come with his mobile sit where I could see him and he
would act like I never existed. Again.
Well anyway... I think he knows what time I finish class and
this Wednesday I never went class but waited outside the
department and he came down with his friends from lunch the
usual time I would leave class...purely coincidence. And he saw
me and I saw him he stopped few times and acted like he never
saw me...and I did same... I waited about 30 min and went in the
library where he had gone previously. I walked past him and sat
quite a bit away from him and he got up after I sat down and he
got up to leave. He had his back towards me at this stage and he
was walking towards the door. He stopped before he actually left
desk and turned back and we both looked at each other
Now, all my friends say he has "moved on" and is not interested
and its time I did the same.
But I can't feel that he is probably going through the same
phases he went in before and now that we are coming to an end of
the year and this is it, I think maybe he still has some sort of
interest.
Am I reading to much into this? Has he moved on? What do you
think?
Thanks
M
Hi M,
It seems to me that, so far, no one has made any forward moves.
You're both still playing this "I see you, now I don't" game.
You have a choice:
The next time you see him, walk up to him and say "Isn't about
time you asked me out?"
OR
Do as your friends say and move on.
This has gone on long enough, don't you think?
One of the hardest things for men and women to do is be able to
"initiate contact" when they've never been taught how to
approach others that are not in their circle of friends. After
all, how do you reach out to someone that is cute, good looking
and probably (as you think) better than you and just going to
reject you anyways?
It's tough, confusing and very hard to prepare yourself to make
that first step beyond the distant flirting that goes on when
you're so afraid of being rejected. When your self-confidence is
so low.
The reality is that life is full of rejection and
disappointment. Another reality is that people play games.
They exert their power of attraction just because they can.
Because you showed interest. And as all of this is happening
your interest in them rises, you like them more and more since
they did show you some initial interest, enough to make you want
to want them, then they back off, playing this ignore game.
Get ready to make the move. Prepare yourself for rejection and
invite him for a coffee the next time you see him. You may just
be pleasantly surprised that he does go with you. And at the
very least you will have a definite answer about dating him or
"moving on" and getting back to normal.
Best wishes,
Rob.
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