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Don't
Feed His Dependency!
by Ask Rob! The Advice General
www.advicegeneral.com
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Hi Rob,
I would love some advice please.
I have known
Woody since we were 13. We went to school together, went to
different universities and since returning to our home town we
have again become friends. In the past few months though I have
realised that I might want more than friendship.
Normally I can
tell if a man is interested in me but his actions have me
totally confused. He came to my birthday party in January and
spent most of the night by my side. At the end of the night
after everyone had passed out and found a place to sleep we went
to my bed and SLEPT together. No sex. No touching. But in the
morning we were mucking around and started play punching each
other and playing knuckles! I don't know why. I thought it was
odd for a guy to lie beside me all night and not make a move.
A month or so
later we were out on the town with a group and by the end of the
night he was walking me to a taxi then asked if I wanted to come
to his place for a drink. I went and he poured his heart out to
me about his pressures at work and family relationships etc. He
told me some very personal stuff. Then we again shared a bed
though this time we lay in each other's arms all night. That's
all. In the morning he was strange and would not walk me to my
car. He later apologized for rambling on about his problems all
night. I told him I was happy to listen anytime.
Since then
whenever we see each other out we are always friendly and he
stays by me most of the night. Once again the other night we
started mucking around and playing knuckles. My hand was quite
sore the next day! I realize how ridiculous this sounds. We are
both 26 for goodness sake! How embarrassing!
I never really
see him chat up other girls. I know he respects me and I know I
respect him. Maybe we are just meant to be friends but I can't
stop thinking about what it would be like to kiss him.
I am such a
chicken and am unable to tell him how I feel. I don't want to
embarrass myself by making a move only to be rejected. If I knew
he was keen I would though.
We share a lot of
mutual friends and people like to talk... Do you think he likes
me as more than a friend? Why hasn't he made a move on me? I
know you will tell me to tell him how I feel but I am seriously
too scared to. What is your opinion and how can I tell if he is
interested in being more than friends? Please help.
Thank you, Nat.
Hi Nat,
I bet this guy has a haphazard relationship with all the females
in his family. He was the 'good kid' that treated everyone with
respect but didn't form relationships well as a youth.
Now, he's got you
to be the 'nurturing type'. And you're feeding this dependency
by how you're treating him.
He won't make the
first move, ever. He doesn't know how. Unless in anger, which I
bet he's slow to boil too.
While this might
feel good to you, you get to teach him how to be, he'll end up
using you because of his dependency and weakness in
relationships.
You need to wait
until he matures a lot more before going into a romantic
relationship with this guy, unless you want to 'mother' him for
the rest of your life.
Give him room to
grow, keep as friends but back way off of any romantic feelings
or you're setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment.
Best wishes,
Rob.
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