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The
Rules For Breaking Up
by Ask Rob! The Advice General
www.advicegeneral.com
* Rob is not a professional counselor,
just someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and
should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored.
He'll give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll
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Hi Rob,
I am graduating from college this year, and I am planning on
making a cross-country move. My boyfriend (of two years) does
not want to move anywhere for at least a few years.
I don't want
anything to do with a long distance relationship (I've done it
before - it's not a good fit for me. i would rather be single
than have a boyfriend who is not actually with me). In addition,
when I think about the future, I know that our opinions vary
greatly on certain topics (marriage, children, religion) that
are of importance to me. I know for sure that I have to end the
relationship to be fair to both myself and to him.
My problem is
that I have been with him for so long and had so many great
experiences...and we haven't had many bad ones. There isn't a
huge "bad" thing that makes me want to break up with him. I love
him, and I am happy with him now, and I don't want to hurt him.
I know that hurting him is inevitable in this situation, but I
still have to do what I know will be the right thing. I will
certainly be honest with him when I tell him why I think this is
the best idea. But is there a way to tell him that is less
hurtful than other ways? Is there a way that is more hurtful? I
want to make it as nice as possible, as my feelings for him
remain - just not the potential for a future.
Thanks
Hi,
As the song goes "Breakin' up is hard to do"...
There is no good way to break up. Feelings will get hurt. Your
hope lies in the fact that he's mature enough to understand that
you are growing, and going, in different directions.
My suggestion to you is to be upfront about your goals for your
future and why he's not going to be a part of your life.
And be honest with yourself, if you don't have a future
together, you really don't have an honest relationship.
Make the break clean. Tell him, if he pressures you to keep in
contact, that you'll get in touch with him after you've moved
and settled in. And don't stay in touch with him before you do
move. Don't give him the hope of contact that he may be able to
change your mind and get back with you.
Who knows what the future holds? It's enough of a crapshoot to
get through tomorrow.
But break it off now, don't drag him through the next few weeks
wondering about the state of your relationship.
Best wishes,
Rob.
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